Poison Thoughts

"For most of my life," Joyce Meyer writes in Battlefield of the Mind, "I didn't think about what I was thinking about. I simply thought whatever fell into my head. I had no revelation that Satan could inject thoughts into my mind. Much of what was in my head was either lies that Satan was telling me or just plain nonsense, things that really were not worth spending my time thinking about. The devil was controlling my life because he was controlling my thoughts." (quote found in Having a Mary Spirit,  by Joanna Weaver)
I had a battle with my mind yesterday. I fought for truth as little lies poked and prodded, stung and pierced. While at the park with the three youngest children last evening, the battle began. Delton just told you he was going dove hunting this evening. He hardly even asked if that was okay with you. Harmless enough thoughts, really. Just mulling over what really happened, right? The intensity increased. Why does he get to spend all evening doing a hobby? What gives him the right to simply spring this change of plans on me? I couldn't do that to him, because I am responsible for the kids. I am stuck. He is free. That isn't fair... and so my thought continued. Really, it was an insidious lie, surrounded by truth. Delton had pretty abruptly decided to spend the evening out hunting, leaving me to decide how to entertain the kids during our usual "family time". I am mature, though. Or so my thoughts tried to convince me. I won't get angry or bitter. No. But really, this isn't right. This shouldn't be. This hurts. What if he starts doing this all the time? I need to talk to him about this. Express my hurt. Express the unfairness of what he did to me. 
And then, because this is a familiar pattern for me, I realized the path I was quickly headed down. The self-pity. The mountain-out-of-a-molehill drama queen reaction. As my flesh nestled in, secure in battle victory, I began fighting back with a higher truth.A love-covered truth. Delton just bought that gun today, a gun he has been waiting years to purchase. He is excited, and he knows I am excited for him. He took Ezra with him, and willingly would have taken Asher as well. Delton is an awesome dad who just spent the morning (as he does EVERY THURSDAY morning) watching our kids so that I can get out by myself. And as I turned my heart towards love, as I remained on high-alert, aware of the thoughts that were threatening to undermine my love for Delton, as I continued speaking truth to my heart, the battle was won. At his return this evening, Delton would not find a fuming, tight-lipped wife. His heart would not be frozed by the dreaded phrase, "we need to talk." By God's grace, Delton would return home to a wife who was an overflowing vessel of God's grace and love.
Poison thoughts, I found myself calling them. Thoughts with enough truth to them that we easily allow ourselves the luxury of mulling over them. She didn't return my phone call. He ignored me. He didn't do this or that even though HE KNOWS how I feel about that...and so on. And then we continue down the road that leads to where all sin leads...destruction. Yes, sin. When our thought lives are not in subjection to Christ, we are walking in sin.
I am learning to listen to my thoughts, and to take them captive. Not simply "trying not to think about it", but actively speaking God's truth into the situation that is replaying itself. Praying blessing on those I would rather judge. Forgiving those who have not lived up to my standards. Loving others, even in my thoughts, as God loves them. Because, really, we are what we think. If I think bitter thoughts, I become bitter (really....I know this from experience). Don't think, don't convince yourself, that you can fill your mind with thoughts of judgment, self-pity, pain, how-could-they thoughts, and not reap the consequences.
I am writing this as I see it played out in my life in several major areas. This minor "irritation" with Delton is nothing compared to the battles that have played out in my mind over the last months, as I have been aware more than ever of how closely related my spirit and mind are. As I turn my thoughts over to God, asking Him to change them when I am unable to change them myself, when I have no desire to choose love, as I simply throw myself on His mercy to do what I cannot, He changes the lifeless gray battleground into a fragrant field of blooming flowers. A sunrise filled horizon. A glory-bathed display of God being God in my life. Relationships are free to flourish. I am free to grow. Broken situations become His responsibility and I am released to live with joy rather than judgment.
The battlefield of the mind. It is real. Let's "take captive every thought" (2 Corinthians 10:5). There is a glory to be revealed in each of us that will never be revealed if the core of who we are has been handed over to the enemy. Let's allow God to rule and reign in every area of our life, beginning even with our thought life.